The effort
we put into getting lecture tickets
was
unbelievable. Had I put that much effort and
dedication
into any other aspect of my life, I’d be rich and famous
or even published.
A hurricane
prevented us from meeting another author,
but that’s fine. “It’s not like she’s Toni Morrison.”
There
was another acclaimed writer. My nervous chatter evoked a smile
of amusement
and gratitude in her. I could handle that.
What could I say to Toni
Morrison?
Driving to
meet Morrison, I thought of what she meant to me.
The supreme
storyteller. Woman of strength and intellect.
Words poised
themselves at her pen to form
knives that
dive into your soul,
knives that
make your scars bleed.
They stole my milk.
The maternal
instinct to kill a child to save her.
The simple
beauty you see when you open
your eyes to
the ugliness.
To write
like her, we cannot do it. Few mortals possess this skill.
We struggle
to find
words
plots
time
a place in
our lives to write.
We who dream
of one acceptance letter from a publisher cannot
dream of a
Nobel.
Kripa and I
cut the end of the lecture
to secure a
place in line. Stood in the long library hallway,
high
ceilings echoed footsteps on stone and amplified hushed tones,
drowning out any sounds
of the lecture. We calculated the distance from the table, the number
of bodies
and the books they held. We would make it.
We rehearsed
what we would say: “We love your work.”
Kripa wanted
a signature on a card for a special patient who“loves your
work.”
We watched
the faces of those who returned with signed copies
or a mere
glimpse of her majestic Author.
They beamed,
they glowed. They had seen the blessed Writer.
We longed to
be there and feel her Power.
We hoped she
would endow us with her secrets,
accept our
words, our gratitude.
We hoped we
would gain a bit of the fairy dust that dances in her aura, that
would make
us write as she does.
Yet, we were
only nameless faces in line. Bodies with back packs and
winter
coats, scarves swaddling our throats as we clutched dog-eared copies
of Beloved or glossy
new ones from the table outside.
We
approached the table only to perform a silent
exchange of
a book for a signature.
She glanced
at me with curiosity
as I
requested a handshake. She complied softly.
As Kripa
stepped ahead, the lights of a cameraman
forced the
Author to look away.
Their eyes
barely met.
In moments
we were walking away. Our books suddenly seemed
empty and
Kripa’s card was blank. We made our way through the crowd,
a queue of
anticipation and excitement, meandering through the Hall.
Should we tell them?
Should we tell them?
As we left the library with coffee in styrofoam cups,
we pulled hoods over our heads,
careful not to let the rain fall on our books or coffee.